The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
