i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
