4 words: hood of his car
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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