I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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