why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
