apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Everyone says I win the strip club
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