I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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