my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
