and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
