$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Just cropdusted the office
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
