At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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