Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
