Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Randomize
