I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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