Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
