my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
