Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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