life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
