K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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