i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
