I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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