You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
