She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I think your dad took our porno
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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