I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
