STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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