That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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