im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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