Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
