I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
