Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
