life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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