STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
