If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
