I have demons in me.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
