Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
