She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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