I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
