normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
