Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Randomize
