Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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