A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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