I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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