the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
