I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Randomize
