we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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