Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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