Need sex. Gaining weight.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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