woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
