Your dad touched me again.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
