I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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