Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
