Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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