no, he came in my armpit
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
