that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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