i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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