I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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